swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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