i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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