Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
