Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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