How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
