A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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