It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
