everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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