Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
