dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
