I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Farmville is her only friend.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
