I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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