Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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