he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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