he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
