wrigley field is MILF paradise
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
