Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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