Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
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I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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