just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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