dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
