were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
