No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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