Apparently you make a good broom.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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