i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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