watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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