i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
