Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You smell like stripper and shame
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
