Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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