you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
