I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
