Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
