wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
