If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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