Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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