My Higher Power is John Stamos
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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