We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
