I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
home. puking in laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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