billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
