piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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