Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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