Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
A+ Viking dick
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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