Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
