wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
that's an acceptable place to lick
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
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he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
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You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize