A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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