Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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