The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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