can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
