We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
