Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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