My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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