ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
