I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
