Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
