Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
