Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
