Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
its not stalking. its research.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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