Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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