now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
