'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
