the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother