my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.