so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
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i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
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God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES