Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
