They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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