Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
