yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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