So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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