You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
