i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Drake has all the answers
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
