You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
