Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
