Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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