bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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