I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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