Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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