Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
