I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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