just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
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It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
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lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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