Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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