What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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