just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
