Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
A+ Viking dick
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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