That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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