I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
