There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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