just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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