For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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