The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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