I just threw up on my dentist
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
