The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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