If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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