It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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