i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize